West Division Season Nine Preview
Click on the team image to see the team roster.
Callous Cowboys
Described as The Chaos Realms’ Team, the Cowboys have a storied history before joining the ABBL. When they first started out, they had a roster full of players past their prime and couldn’t even get close to a win. Over time and with several canny player deals, they slowly built up a team able to contest for trophies, winning their local league and qualifying for their play-offs several seasons in a row. With confidence riding high, they signed up for the big time, joining the ABBL only to find the rules changed straight after they had signed the registration form! All of that experience was reduced to almost nothing but, uttering the immortal phrase “Chaos don’t bring up no quitters!” they forged ahead anyway!
To date, the Cowboys have only played one pre-season friendly and this was against the Conference team, The Fangcy Fellas. Perhaps indicative of the way they intend to play come Season start, no Touchdowns were scored at all! Each team seemed to focus on just hurting the opposition with 5 casualties between the two teams. Given the Cowboys are in a Division containing two varieties of Elven team as well as an Underworld team, this could either serve them very well or fly straight back in their faces if they fail to get the pitch removals they will undoubtedly need to prove successful.
Players to watch out for include Snuffy, a Chosen Blocker with a passion for un-aliving any other mortal creature in his path (we wonder how he didn’t end up playing for a Khorne team!), Picket, a Beastman Runner with particularly impressive horns that he’s always showing off in an effort to impress the ladies and, finally, we have Little Mo With The Gimpy Leg, another Blocker. We honestly don’t know anything about Mo, we just loved their name!
Black Magic
Black in name, black in heart, such is the nature of these Dark Elves from deepest, darkest Naggaroth. A strange quirk of their make-up is what appears to be a genetic anomaly. All of their team are noticeably much shorter than the average Dark Elf. Rumours abound of magical experimentation gone wrong or, whispered scandalously in the darkest corners of taverns and barracks across the land, they are the product of Dwarf/Elf inter-breeding(!) although anyone heard uttering such disgusting nonsense had best watch their backs – to say the Magic have a chip on their shoulder about it is putting it lightly! One thing that can’t be doubted however, is their almost zealous adherence to those traits typically associated with Dark Elves – cruelty, spite and viciousness.
The team has been built around one rising star in particular, their Witch Elf, Shaquiline O’Neill. Born with a sense that she should have been a lot taller (not exactly an uncommon feeling amongst Black Magic, it must be said…) she’s always setting herself against larger opponents in a desperate bid to prove a point and, most of the time, it seems to pay off! Her actions on the pitch strike inspiration amongst the rest of the team and none of them shy away from taking on any opponent, no matter how big and tough they seem to be! They managed to get one pre-season Friendly in against the D’Orcland Raiders and ended up with a 2-1 victory although, as is a problem with many Dark Elf teams, they got no casualties, could this be a sign of how things will go for the ‘Magic’? They’ll have Orcs in the form of Da Gobsnaperz and will also be facing the hard-hitting Callous Cowboys so the prospect of a potentially ‘squishy’ team like Urban Terror fills their bitter little hearts with joy! Of course, the games everyone will want to see will be against the High Elves of the Chracian Wildcats – a grudge match in the making!
Players to keep an eye on include the aforementioned Shaquiline O’Neill who will likely over-perform in a bid to compensate for her stature! Dwight Howard, the teams’ resident Runner will likely be a slippery foe and probably be the one to set up the Touchdowns if not score them himself while Paulo Bancero the Blitzer looks set to take on the hard hitter duties. Don’t be surprised if Black Magic make the Play-Offs…
Da Gobsnaperz
Da Gobsnaperz have quite the history in the ABBL. Debuting in Season 6, their fortunes have got gradually worse as time has gone by. So much so that Season 8 saw them with no wins whatsoever! Although it must be said that they didn’t get the opportunity to play fully a third of their games due to other team’s mis-management and so this stat is rather mis-leading as they never really got the chance to prove themselves. As a result, they have decided to return and this time, they’ll be sending ‘Da Boyz’ round to ‘discuss’ scheduling with their opponents in advance…
Long-time fans will recognise the Big’Un Blocker, Erust who first debuted back in Season 7 and will likely bring his experience to provide a vital front-line anchor. The new regulations to team drafting mean he’s going to have a lot less support in the form of other Big’Uns on the front line with him. However, maybe that’s what this team needed? A break away from the traditional path of bashiness that Orcs tended to favour to a more fluid and adaptable play-style that allows other players to shine could well be a pathway to success that Da Gobsnaperz have been missing in the past. Given their opponents in the League, they may well have to be a little more fluid than they are used to with two Elven opponents and an Underworld team in the mix potentially running rings around them. At least the Chaos lads will give them a decent fight!
Joining Erust in creating this new incarnation of the team is Kazrakk, the new Team Captain. Although just a Lineman, Gobsnaper reckoned if he was Captain, the Blitzers and Big’uns could focus on what they do best! Besides, he knows a few moves and has the experience. Urka the Thrower is the final veteran of the previous incarnation of the team and he’s learnt to share the ball now so hopefully, we’ll see him actually give it up now and then!
Urban Terror
After seeing the success the Subcity Skavengers enjoyed last season, the owners of Urban Terror felt it would be a good time to prove to everyone how they could do it better! However, their players lacked motivation, shoes and exhibited a distinct lack of talent! In order to overcome these issues, the management of Terror put themselves to bed with a ‘Big Pharma’ Company and turned their team of ne’er-do-wells in to a drug and Warpstone-fuelled menagerie of mayhem. All players lost any kind of rights they may have been entitled to (which, when it comes to Blood Bowl players is very few in the first place!) and became living test-subjects for whatever madness the Pharmaceutical Company could come up with…
Despite what most people would see as a horrifying abuse of rights, they do seem to have actually made a positive impact. The Terror have played 3 pre-season Friendlies and not lost a game so far. To begin with, they started out against the Vampires of the Fangcy Fellas with a convincing 4-0 win and then took on the Lizardmen of the Sunken City Stardrakes. This was a much closer affair, ending 1-1 but giving the team some valuable lessons. By the time they played their final pre-season game, they felt ready for anything! However, nothing could have prepared them for the anarchy an all-Goblin team could bring to the table when they faced the Shroom Valley Charlatans… They walked away with a 2-1 win but again, learnt so much (mainly about how to avoid Secret Weapons – the answer? Just leave them alone, the Goblins usually end up doing more damage to themselves!). The crunching of the numbers from the Big Pharma statisticians advised them of the optimum route to go and so, key players gained certain… abilities. Whether through nefarious means or experience on the pitch will always be up for debate but frankly, the ABBL couldn’t give a jot as long as it’s entertaining!
Three of those players to receive ‘enhancements’ and so mark themselves as players to watch out for include Kut Kanker, the Skaven Blitzer who is now sprouting a fearsome set of horns and seems to almost glide ethereally past opposition players to score on a regular basis: Sukkel, a Gutter Runner who can mix it up with the toughest of them out there, despite his name meaning the exact opposite and, finally we have the Thrower, Klootzak, his extra set of arms leading many to shout his name in frustration whenever they face him!
Chracian Wildcats
For only the second time in ABBL history, we have a team from the isle of Ulthuan gracing the ABBL with their presence. And don’t they love reminding us of this fact again and again! And some more, just to make sure we didn’t miss it the first few hundred times… The Wildcats are on a mission you see – to restore the lost honour and glory that Blood Bowl is missing by having Elves dominate the game. More specifically, High Elves, they are the true and only real Elven way of life after-all, why would you consider any other type of Elf worthy of the mantle? Despite the grandstanding, the Wildcats do realise that to have a place in the modern game, they need to up their violence quotient and what better way to do this than treat every game like a hunting trip? Chrace is a well-known destination for plains hunting and so a-hunting they went!
Unfortunately, Blood Bowl pitches, while (mostly) flat in nature aren’t plains… The lessons learnt in their trips haven’t served them that well so far in their Pre-Season Friendlies. Their first game was against the Amazons of the Old Forest Ocelots. It ended a 2-2 draw with the High Elves walking away having found a new respect for these humans that they had previously written off as inferior. Naming themselves after a hunting feline certainly didn’t do the Amazons any harm in the eyes of the Wildcats… Their 2nd game was against the far smellier and distasteful Mileham Villans who must have used underhanded tactics of one sort or another as clearly the result should have been reversed! They’ve demanded an investigation in search of answers, they’re not getting one…
Players to watch out for include Ardethun Tel'Iudya, the Thrower who practices with throwing spears – they say he throws them so fast, no-one can ever intercept him! Emerliel n'Ekryll, a Catcher often on the receiving end of Ardethun’s throws (although, after one particularly hairy incident, he now refuses to practice with him!) and finally, we have the Blitzer, Neddanion Pendarin aiming to bring the much-needed violence to the Wildcat’s game!