Central Division Season Nine Preview
Click on the team image to see the team roster.
The Stout Lads
If you were to search the land and ask people to name the Dwarfiest team that ever was, the Stout Lads would certainly top many of those lists. Happily fitting in to the stereotype of beer-swilling, big-bearded and grudge-bearing folk, the Stout Lads have hit the gridiron of the ABBL with one thing in mind – make enough cash to enjoy a decent post-match brew! And if you know what Dwarves on a pub crawl can get like, they’re going to need an awful lot of winnings…
So, no tricks or fancy plays for these guys. Instead they rely on the tried-and-true slog down the pitch and grind for the win. They’re not going to be dazzling the crowds with their athleticism or prowess (in fact, these kind of things are frowned upon within The Stout Lads – “What are you thinking?! You’ll spill your beer lad!! By Grungni, beardlings these days…”) but you can expect solid blocking, impregnable cages and many a last second score to deny the opposition time to run past and equalise.
One player to keep an eye out for is the one team member that seems to ignore all the principles of the Stout Lads, the Troll Slayer Borin Barrelgut. Although his team-mates take advantage of this, inducing his Frenzy by telling him the opposition water down their ale… Durgan ironbelly – current team record holder for ‘Most Different Stouts Consumed in One Sitting’ is a Blitzer no-one can ignore and finally, Gromli Quickkeg is a Runner strangely reticent about how he got his name…
Trickle-Down Transylvanians
The Trickle-Down Transylvanians all come from modest backgrounds (well, the vampires anyway. The Thralls are all desperate wannabe oiks!) with only small fortunes to start out on their hard-earned path to success – a real barrier they all had to overcome to reach the position they are in now of absurd wealth and influence. However, ever magnanimous in their ivory towers, they have deigned to ‘give back’ to society by providing opportunities to anyone that fits their particular view of potential success and shows enough gratitude of course! And so, they’ve taken to the Blood Bowl pitch in an effort to allow opposition teams to earn some cash through their lucrative appearance against far superior foes!
Their over-bearing sense of entitlement withstanding, the Transylvanians are actually shaping up to possibly being a good team! In the one pre-season friendly they have played at time of writing, they defeated the High Elves of the Caledor Firebolts 2-0 although their tactics of throwing their Thralls in to danger (sorry, we mean ‘opportunities to make something of themselves’) could end up backfiring in the long run once the Magic Sponges run out. To be fair, there are always those that hang on the coat-tails, leaching off those more deserving than them so maybe the Vampires have it right after all…
Players to watch out for include the lone Blitzer on the team, Elon Musk – if he can’t beat you down on the pitch, he’ll just buy everything you own and rip it down in a tantrum! Robert Mercer is a Runner with a penchant for dabbling in things that have absolutely nothing to do with him and enjoys convincing the opposition that it’s in their best interest to let him score that Touchdown… Finally, we have the Thrall Tommy Robinson. For some bizarre reason, he has a small but loyal following of idiots who believe anything this outspoken opinionated moron spouts out. Visiting teams had better watch out when Pitch Invasions occur!
Athletico Armillaria
The second Snotling team to ever enter the ABBL haven’t done so because they wanted to emulate the first Snotling team – in fact, none of them had ever even heard of them when asked! No, they have entered purely for one reason alone: money! Their own little bit of marshland has suddenly become prime real estate and those ever-greedy overlords in Lustria have doubled the rent, leaving the Armillaria’s in a position of potential eviction. They need to come up with the cash fast, before the deadline - which just happens to be the day after the ABBL final! Hopes are high however with the families back home cheering them on with every successful Block. Not much cheering going on then really…
As is ever the case with Snotlings, the reality on the pitch never really reflects the confidence they project but, in their only pre-season Friendly so far against fellow central Division stunties The Mean Greens, they did show a talent for violence that could certainly make them a thorn in the side for any of their opponents. Other central Divisioner’s would do well to be wary when playing these diminutive little Greenskins, especially when they look at them all doe-eyed and explain with honey-laden words how the big bad mean landlords are going to evict them unless they can have all the winnings – before pounding their faces in to the ground!
Stand out players to watch out for, such as they are, include the Fungus Flinga, Patsy Portobello whose pigtails and wide smile hide a devilishly accurate eye, Peter Puffball who seems to have mastered bouncing around on his giant mushroom vaguely in the right direction and finally, not a player as such but a rickity construction held together with pure belief and sticky sap – The Rhio Zoomer is a Pump Wagon on a mission!
Caledor Firebolts
This isn’t the first time an Elven Union team has graced the ranks of the ABBL, but it is the first time the owner happens to be a Dragon! Of course, Dragons aren’t exactly noted for their prowess when it comes to Blood Bowl and to say the mighty drake, Flauchinauch is a little rusty on the finer points is probably the safest thing we can say without becoming instantly immolated! As a result, his choice of players has leaned towards those of a most cock-sure nature rather than those that exhibit any actual ability and so only time will tell if this group of arrogant swaggerers can live up to their own reputation…
Early indications show that the Firebolts have had a bit of a rude awakening with their pre-season Friendlies. Under-estimating the Gnomes of The Mean Greens (or more accurately, the ability of the Treemen to hoist Gnomes successfully through the air!) led to a loss while the Trickle-Down Transylvanians (arguably even more arrogant and cock-sure than the Firebolts!) showed them why they were the superior team (obviously!). To give the Firebolts credit, they didn’t just roll over and give up, they re-assessed and came back strong, defeating the Tomb King team, Sekhet’s Sandlords for their first victory. The rest of the Division shouldn’t take things for granted however as, despite only 1 win, they racked up an impressive 11 Casualties in 3 games - they’re not going to be a walkover, that’s for sure!
Odaam Dryver (Best Hair Award) seems to be the Blitzer that hits hardest on this team while Gohrën Mam’lini is showing signs of being the go-to Touchdown scorer for the Firebolts. Finally, keep an eye on Bash Darkar, he could end up being a surprise package in Season 9.
The Mean Greens
Although Gnomes have made appearances in the ABBL via the Conference, we’ve not seen a League appearance from them before and it appears these little guys are out to blaze a trail through the undergrowth in to the clearing of success! Well, not literally. You go ahead and burn their undergrowth and see how that goes for you! To say The Mean Greens take their arboreal duties seriously is somewhat of an understatement and you could be forgiven for thinking all that time tending to their foliage would lessen their abilities on the pitch but nothing could be further from the truth. Head Coach, Burble ‘The Bumbler’ Boxwood phrased it best when he referred to ‘deadheading’ the opposition, ‘seeding’ the ball in the opposition’s Endzone and ensuring his players were airborne for as much as possible…
These basic tenets certainly seemed to have served them well in their Pre-Season Friendlies with victories over their fellow Central Division team, the Caledor Firebolts and dire enemies of their arborealism, Athletico Armillaria (for some reason the Snotlings seem intent on chewing the roots of all The Mean Greens’ oak trees, destabilising their precious eco-system) – a real slugfest with a grand total of 9 casualties caused between them, albeit with no long-term damage due to the Magic Sponges both teams were provided with. Expect that fixture to be a real grudge match come season start!
Players to watch out for include the wily Illusionist, Fiona Foxglove whose skill at battering her eyelashes to distract opponents is only matched by her ability to grow perennials in almost any soil type. Rowan Rootright’s supple branches have proved superbly suited to launching his shorter team-mates down the pitch and any efforts to keep him under check would suit opponents well. Finally, Thornley Thistleton, alongside his faithful Badger, is looking likely to live up to his name with many an opposition player having retired from the match after suffering several really irritating scratches when trying to take him on…